birthday jokes

I'll never understand women. A species that loathes you for asking their age, but tortures you forever if you forget their birthday.

If Jesus could have sex on his birthday... That lucky girl would be covered in Christ-mist.

My "friend" Adam gave me an electric toothbrush for my birthday. Completely unnecessary. My gas-powered toothbrush still runs fine, "Adam."

My doctor sang this to me at my birthday "Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You have terminal cancer. Your family'll miss you"

Some bought Stevie Wonder a cheese grater for his birthday He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.

Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not code for 'stripper.' Live & learn, guys.

Why were there balloons in the bathroom? There was a birthday potty.

Is your birthday the 10th of October? Because you look like a 10/10!

Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? It was a tappy one!

It's my epileptic friend's birthday soon so I got him a strobe light. He's going to have a fucking fit when he sees it.

my sixth birthday party was so formal that we roberted for apples

I bought my epileptic friend a strobe light for his birthday. He's going to have a fit when he sees it.

Watch My lesbian friend gave me a Timex for my birthday. I don't think she understood me correctly when I said I wanna watch.

What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday? Thanks for sediments

Did you hear about the birthday party thief? I've seen some pretty crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake

Me and my girl on my birthday are like an organic compound with an aldehyde group Always ends in -anal

I was shocked to walk in on my son playing with his privates... Those toy soldiers were supposed to be his surprise birthday gift...

I only drink twice a year When it's my birthday, and when it's not

My girlfriend hired a midget to play the keyboards at my birthday party I think she misunderstood me. I did not say I wished I had a 12 inch pianist.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...

Too much of my life is spent trying to think of something to write on people's FB walls for their birthday other than "Happy Birthday!"

I brought my son a refrigerator for his birthday I just can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it!

I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read.

Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat? Not because he was into beastiality you Islamophobe... He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday.