chef jokes

5's friend told him his mom makes play doh. Thanks Pinterest. I'm already expected to cook 3 meals a day, now I have to cook their toys too?

The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That's 15 minutes, right? I'm not reading too much into it?

How many black guys does it take to cook chicken? None. Blacks belong in the fields, woman belong in the kitchen.

I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.

[first day as a celebrity chef] *Just a heartrending 40 minute montage of me struggling to get the potato masher out of the cutlery drawer*

Women love to cook Because they get to continuously change something until it's exactly what they want

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because this joke was so bad, even Dane Cook wouldn't steal it.

What does the French chef say to the skeleton? Bony Appetit

[restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM

"When I was younger they all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian," said Dane Cook. "Nobody's laughing now!"

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster chef and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits.

Man to wife: Business is bad, if YOU learn TO cook we can remove servant. Wife: If YOU learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman...

My GF is such a bad cook. The flies got together to fix the Screen Door.

When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.

Why did the cook go to jail? He was caught beating the egg

Expeditions to Mars Russian expedition: "Well, there is Mars." American expedition: "Well, there are the life forms. Disgusting" Chinese expedition: "Not if you know how to cook them properly"

Did you hear about the chef that died? He pasta way We cannoli do so much

What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook? "I just booked a cook for cooking the books."

[campfire] ME: They say these trees are over 200 years old. Man, if trees could talk... TREE: Please stop burning my flesh to cook hot dogs.

Where do cowboys cook their meals? On the range

What do you call an eerie French pastry chef? A crepe.

The waiter hands me a bowl of alphabet soup "Compliments of the chef" The soup reads "you're beautiful"

"If you gaze long into a bisque, the bisque also gazes into you." - Philosophical soup kitchen chef

A lawyer-turned-cook is a sue chef.