I don't like nosey peppers they get Jalapeno buisness
observational jokes
202,469 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. "That won't help you, Joe, you know?" "Oh it helps a lot," says the man, "it's the only way I can see the numbers!"
Why did the Mexican... ... throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila! ... go to the home improvement store in December? Fajitas!
I have this song in my head I haven't heard in years. I'm pretty sure it's called "Don't Speak"? On second thought, there's no doubt in my mind.
My neighbors are arguing. So I threw 6 shoes in the dryer. They haven't said a word since.
A robot walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender asks. "I need something to loosen up," the robot replies. So the bartender serves him a screwdriver.
I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti, which is used in somber occasions, like funerals, and it repurposes it for fun
How are children like slinkies? It's fun to toss them down stairs.
"Make cave drawing. It last longer." - Cavewoman bitch
I hope my search for my lost heroin... isn't in vein.
Someone tried to sell me a coffin today... I told them its the last thing I need.
Apple made a bomb It was called the iED
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible
You know what I don't get? Laid.
If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach.... Then you're aiming too high
How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Musicians with no advertising budget can simply name their band Missing Cat.
Did you hear about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they could not understand.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have snacks in your purse.
Hey Home Shopping Network: We have the internet now.
What's your best "A guy walks into a bar" joke
Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.
WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*
What do you call spiders in the Middle East? Iraqnids. Yep. An original.