I have literally never seen a mattress store with customers in it
cynical jokes
9,592 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up? Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it.
If Rick Astley invites you to his Tree House, don't go! Because he's never going to let you down!
Once my son was shooting nerfguns @ the clock &when I asked why said "bc time killed the dinosaurs." My kids are never leaving home are they
New Viagra Product !! Viagra now available in powder form to put in tea... It does nothing for erections but stops your Biscuits from getting soft and falling into the tea..!!
The worst part of going to church with my family is when we get caught on the Kiss Cam.
What runs forever and never dies? An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.
What's the worst thing about your girlfriend having a miscarriage? Trying to look upset.
Modern Medical Humor Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness"
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope's car.
'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please?' 'Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'
What's a Pirates worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty
Just realized I've never "axed" anyone a question in my whole life.
I had to fire my driver today So now I have all this money, and nothing to chauffeur it.
Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows... But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.
If I ever go missing, my dumbass family will pick a photo where I look happy and my hair looks good, and I'll never been seen alive again.
The worst thing about being bjtten by a spider is that you're probably australian
I hate it when people pretend they know everything about culture when they talk about Mozart They probably have never seen any of his paintings.
Math teacher joke Why do math teachers never get constipated? Because they always work problems out with a pencil.
I have a very nice joke about unemployment.. but it never works.
Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen. In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.
Never Forget Girl: Can you finger me? Boy: Sure. Girl: Oh yeah that feels good. --------- 1 Day Later ----------- Girl: I'm pregnant. Boy: Dammit I forgot to wash my hands.
What did Ghost A say to Ghost B? Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.
I would never write a joke in multiple choice form... Because A) person who thinks that it would B) funny should go C) a psychiatrist.