general jokes

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've tripping all day.

Here's hoping 2013 is the year in which I finally fix the bugs in my new time machine. -garyDelaney

I went to a weiner emporium today... I never sausage a sight!

The Brooklyn Nets

What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits' home? A search warren!

Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings. Happy 4th of July r/jokes!

What's Irish and stays out all year? Patty O'furniture.

What kind of dough do Hobbit bakers use? Frodough.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, feminists can't change anything.

* feels winds of change * realizes it's just a hole in my shorts

The David Cameron diet: You'll never lose your pounds quicker.

My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said "If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!"

My girlfriend refused to make a porno with me.. saying there are enough vine stars already

Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken... I'll see myself out now..

You're so unfamiliar with the gym... You call it James

It's cute how the news wants me to stick around until 11 for the forecast. As if I didn't have 17 other ways to get that info in seconds.

Video game are cool because they let you experience fantasies. For example, in the Sims, you have a job and a house

What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAINS

A little bird told me I'm on LSD and talking to a bird.

A bird in hand may be worth two in a bush, but a nut in a bush is worth two in a hand.

what do you get when you mix a Shih Tzu and a bull B.S.

Isn't it so wierd when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear? Anyway my dad just caught me browsing r/jokes

When dealing with the police it's important to always remain calm and be white.