australian jokes

They say that when you find a spider in Australia... you hear boss battle music.

Why was the marsupial wrongly convicted? He was tried in a kangaroo court.

What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter when he finished his meal? Check, mate.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump at all

"Did you check your pockets?" - kangaroo who's lost a child

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato!!

Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now Louise who discovered Australia ? Pupil: Fred did !

My Australian friend asked a Kiwi: "What's a Hindu?" "...it lays iggs."

A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo."I'm worried about my husband doctor " she said. "He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! "

I'm 39 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.

me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they're the size of Australia

Our new IT guy moved here from Australia... He comes from a LAN down under.

Say "beer can" with an Australian accent. You just said "bacon" with a Jamaican accent

First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions 25 elephants and 10 hippos how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.

How does a computer nerd become to the most popular person in Australia. He automates it.

I can't decide whether to go to Australia or Thailand this year for a holiday. So I decided to weigh up the pros and cons of both. Australia has a load of Cons, but Thailand has lots of Pros.

What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile? Q: What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile? A: Crocodile Dunsee

My girlfriend is like an Australian Olympian She always comes second.

It's awesome that 4th of July is in the summer. But it sucks for countries like Australia who have to watch fireworks in the winter. SUKAZ!

Two beans on the east coast of Australia Ended up in Cairns.

OK, guy with the two kayaks and two bikes strapped to his Subaru Outback: settle down. Save some outdoors for the rest of us.

I saw a reddit post teasing Australia about being upside down. So I went ahead and gave it an Australian upvote.

Regarding the change of pm in Australia... Thought that it was abbot time it changed since it turn-ed blue for Tony ... I'll see myself out

My ex gf came from the land down under, no not Australia, Hell.