politician jokes

A politician died It was a good day.

What do you call the second-most hated politician in America? Madam President.

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a homophobic walk into a bar The bartender says, "What'll it be, Senator Cruz?"

What's the difference between a church bell & a politician? A church bell peals from the steeple.

There was one good thing still to be said about the politician who went to prison for stalking... He was a man of the peep-hole!

It's so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pocket.

What do you call a dog who got re-elected for mayor? A dog with pawlitical experience.

How many questions did the politician answer? 9/11

costumed new york mayor Rumor has it that for Halloween New York Mayor DeBlasio will be walking around on his knees and going as Mayor Bloomberg

that lonely feeling when you oust your ex as mayor of your genitals on foursquare

What does a sperm and a politician have in common? They both have a one in 100 million chance of being human.

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun? One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a politician? (NSFW) One will screw you in the asshole The other is an asshole screwing you

What's the difference... What's the difference between a colostomy bag and a politician? The bag isn't always full of shit!

What do you call a jewish politician's election tactics? A schmear campaign!

ABORTION BILL A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?" The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

I hate when my congressman emails me to "take action" on an issue. Dude, you're the one in congress, you do something.

A good lawyer, Santa Claus, and an honest politician enter an elevator. They see a five dollar bill on the ground. Who picks it up? Santa. The other two don't exist.

My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician

Making NSA work hard today: just left vm for Senator saying, "drop-off done" & then made a hair appointment at a salon in Lahore, Pakistan.

The cheetah is the fastest land mammal right after a politician backpedaling about an opinion he didn't want the public to know about

How do you know when a politician is lying? Their mouth is moving.

As a child I wanted to be a personal trainer but I ended up as a politician. At least I still convince absolute idiots that change is being made.

How do you make a baby politician cry? How do you make a baby politician cry. Take away his slush-y fund.